I had another post typed up and planned out for today but in true Meredith fashion I have abandoned it the morning I was supposed to post it. The reason being I am struggling a little bit right now, and I don’t feel like posting something that makes everything seem okay when things are a little rough. All things considered I am doing alright, I have had amazing business this year and my wedding schedule is filling up with genuine and kind clients, but that doesn't change the fact that my pain is back. I think on average I sleep five hours a night, and for college students that sounds like a dream, but I have always valued my sleep above all else. I can get anywhere from 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night, but not when my back is out. The pain usually starts in my hips, the point of the original injury, but the longer I try and lay flat, the more the pain starts to travel. It creeps its way down the front of my thighs and pools in my knee caps before shooting down my calves and into my feet. Its so hard to describe pain to someone that may not have chronic injuries, but if I were to try, it feels like a sharp burn. It pulsates like a heart beat and it swells. It can be gradual like a storm or it can be quick and sudden like when you pop your neck and pinch a nerve. Its frustrating because sometimes you will take some medication to alleviate the pain after not taking any medication for a while, and its like your whole world opens up again. You sleep through the night and wake up more focused, but the medication never works as well the next night, and you just wish that you could grasp that one moment again of restful sleep without pain clawing at your body. I wake up 3 or four times a night to excruciating pain needing to get up and walk, or take ibuprofen. Its just rough, and it seems to happen at the worst times, like my busy season. I almost make myself sick thinking about a session and what if I were to really throw it out and need to be taken home, how would that look to my clients? I am a very capable photographer that loves my job and puts everything I am into it, but this injury and my body interrupt my passion and I have no control over that. I know that it will pass but until then it means heating pads and no gym, which consequently means my endorphins are low and I am pissed off a good deal of the time.
And its completely unrelated, but I have had my first cancellations of my career this month and that just stinks. They were all for completely legitimate reasons and I would never force a client into taking a spot that doesn't feel right for them, but I had prepared myself for a true busy season and when I have time off I feel like I am slacking. I feel guilty. I also was not expecting the change in time to affect my scheduling as much as it did and that just felt like a punch to the gut. I hate having to text clients and admit that I did something as dumb as not prepare for daylight savings time. Just rough.
But in times like these I HAVE to focus on exciting things. So here is a small list of those exciting things I have come up with.
1.) Creating a community of like minded female entrepreneurs, and providing them with a space to complain and be real about our professions
2.) Starting to pull together what I will need to host a boudoir marathon in January, which I am so stoked about
3.) Collaborating with amazing influencers in our area to provide more tools for my clients that I really think can help them.
4.) Creating a new collection that focuses on bringing inspiration to young female entrepreneurs and giving them a bit of guidance as they start their journey from other women who are killing the game.
5.) Christmas shopping. That one is just for me but I love to shop for other people and I have been doing a bunch of that.
So if you know someone who is having a hard time but don't have a concrete reason to reach out and give some support, this is your reason. I am asking you to reach out and tell that person that they are a boss and doing everything right. They could really use it.
Until next time,