The new years is something I look forward to, but like the rest of America I abandon my new years resolutions right around… mmmmFebruary. This year, like every year, I vow to be different. I am a (baby) adult now and I should hold myself accountable. So this is the year I will actually follow all (at least one) of my resolutions.
For my business:
Devote myself to my brides. Trevor and I were talking in the car not to long ago and we both had an epiphany, I have only done two weddings and second shot one wedding. Let that sink in. We were recently at a Family gathering of his and when asked what I do, “wedding photographer” rolled so sweetly off of our tongues. What in the hell were we saying?! I have only two TWO PHUCKING WEDDINGS! I sat comatose in the car as Trevor drove (a little too fast) home and let that swirl around my brain until my chest was tight with anxiety (and lets be honest a good amount of fear) and I was sure I was going to vomit like a Pomeranian. So I thought, how can I make this better? There is no real answer but a thought started to bloom in my head. I was so freaking excited to take on 2018 with all 20 of my brides. They are all AMAZING people. I love my job because I get to be in love with a lot of people and all of those people are my brides and grooms. I was driving the other day (I promise some days I am actually at home and not just driving aimlessly) and I gasped to myself picturing one of my brides, now friends, on her wedding day. I get to do that. That is my job, she is mine. And with that in mind, one of my New Years resolutions is to just devote all that I can to my brides. All my gifs, my dad jokes, my compliments, my “OHHHH GURRRL’s” you guys can have them all.
I want to learn more. I never took photography classes and I am interested in just learning more about my profession. I have been in love with education for forever, I mean I signed up for a masters class just because I liked the idea of being a student again (I know mom, not my best move). So I am interested in learning more about my systems and my equipment so that I can create more art. I will be doing more batch work in 2018 meaning I will divide my days up so that I focus on one thing and give my whole heart to that one thing for that day. So one day will be education, another day will be editing, another day will be planning and developing my business, one day I will take off and focus on me, other days will be editing and shooting. One of my biggest flaws is being over whelmed with work and when that happens I sit and do nothing but scroll through cat Instagrams. I want to eliminate that feeling and devote myself to a few tasks and do them as well as I can.
I want to be more than a photographer in 2018. I know, I know, I just told you all how I am going to be devoting myself to my business in 2018, and now I am careening off that path to my death. I want to be a community leader, I want to be a female entrepreneur, I want to be a blogger (hopefully with something to say). I want to tag a bit more on to my name other than girl with a camera trying to pay back student loans.
I want to get better at communicating. Recently I have had clients that come to me months after I said I would get back to them, and I have completely forgotten and been buried under a million other things. I dread going into my inboxes because I feel like I am not serving those clients as best as I can. You know that feeling when you realize you forgot to do something important and your heart squeezes all the blood out and suddenly your pits are sweating and your arms and thighs are hot? (A sensation I didn't know was really possible) Ya, thats me when that happens. I want to eliminate that and streamline my communication.
Lastly I want to travel. I have put out a bucket list of all the places I want to go, and if I had to pick a favorite, it would be New York. I have never been and it seems to be semi tangible. I believe that if you put good things out in the universe they will come back to you in some way shape or form, so if you are a bride and are thinking about eloping, TAKE ME WITH YOU. THIS IS YOUR SIGN. I AM THE ELOPEMENT MESSIAH COME TO DELIVER YOU TO YOUR DESTINATION ELOPEMENT.
I want to get out of pain. I am tired of living under a veil of fear of going to the gym. I am frustrated that I have to creep out of bed in the morning trying not to pull a muscle and sit on a heating pad until all the muscles have gone back in order. I am ready to be fit and to not be afraid any longer of pushing my body and working past some small limits. One of the big ones for this year, is that I want to run again. Before my injury I was running an average of ten miles a week, and I get that its not like a ton but I mean come on polar bears are only good for short bursts of energy. You would never ask a polar bear to run after a seal for miles would you? I have hibernation to think about. But for that short distance I am a big fluffy, white, terrifying, mass of speed and teeth. I loved my body, I loved taking pictures, I loved sweating, I loved stretching, and I can't do that anymore. But I really want to, so badly I want to.
I want Trevor and I to move out. This is a sore topic for me. A lot of people say not to rush and that I am so lucky to be able to live with my parents and save money and all of that is true. But I never really left like my peers did for college. I was away for like a year and a half and it was pure hell. I was constantly coming back sick with huge fevers, infections, viruses, black mold reactions, and then my injury finally sent me packing for the last time. I have been home ever since then and I am so ready to be on my own, and I am so ready to do so with Trevor. I am excited to not be in a long distanced relationship any more and to be with my best friend all the time.
I need to be a better friend. Seriously, this will be a bit of a love letter to my current friends, but one of my biggest flaws is being a friend of convenience. If its not easy, if it takes a lot of time and resources, if it requires me giving myself over to being social, I more often than not, will not go. It is so terrible, and I have friends that ask me to do something once a week and I usually say no because its not convenient and the thought of being social and getting out of my house, my cave, doesn’t appeal to me. I am completely fine with people who feel that way and that don’t want to do things that are social, but I am the kind of person that I KNOW I will regret that when I am older. I know I will. So I just need to do better, and be a better friend for the amazing ones I already have.